Further recovery is always possible for brain injury survivors. With perseverance, determination, and above all hope miracles are possible.
I didn’t always think like that. When doctors first told me “recovery is a life long process,” I wanted to cry. It seemed as if they were saying that I would have to fight tooth and nail struggle every day working reclaim what I had lost – to put together the pieces of the ‘me’ that was. With depleted energy, while regulating the apparently insurmountable cognitive and social deficits and living my life.
Even with their warning, I clung tenaciously to the idea that one day I’d get over it and be ‘normal’ again. Much to my dismay, each time I felt good about my life and started pushing myself as I had before the accident, I’d end up fatigued or worse, reach the point of a meltdown. When this happened, it felt to me as if I had taken ten steps back. I just wanted to be better. I just wanted it all to be over. I just wanted to be cured.
Over time, I came to realize how unrealistic both the fear of having to juggle everything at once and my expectations truly were.
The doctors were right; recovery is a lifelong process. Complete recovery is impossible. One can never regain all that has been lost. There is no cure. Improvement, however, is within reach. One may even gain skills and reach heights unattainable without having first gone through this trial. Moshe Feldenkrais said it best in his book Body Awareness as Healing Therapy: The Case of Nora:
“‘Improvement’ is a gradual bettering which has no limit. ‘Cure’ is a return to the previously enjoyed state of activity which need not have been excellent or even good.”
As they say, God never closes a door without opening a window. Every challenge comes with gifts, though they may be extremely hard to see it is important to try. I would be lying if I said I did not mourn all that I have lost, or am to any degree grateful for the Accident. However, I do believe that having to struggle with my deficits has done a great deal towards making me a more compassionate, patient, perseverant, and goal-oriented individual.
I realize that I am extremely fortunate in having come this far, but I believe it is a universal truth that no matter where you are, there is always room for growth. That is what we are truly working towards – not recovery, improvement. To work towards recovering a past one has no hope of fully recovering seems a dismal prospect. Working towards improvement, on the other hand, offers hope and opens a world of possibilities.
Set small goals. Take everything one day at a time, put one foot in front of the other – it all will come together. At times the progress can be imperceptibly gradual, but we are always building new pathways. Getting impatient and try and tackle everything at once (like I did) will make recovery seem like an insurmountable challenge. Have patience, and every so often take a glance back, seeing how far you have come will amaze you….
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