First Contact (Meeting People is Easy part II)

The ins and outs of starting a conversation, establishing a report, and basic human interaction is an art that is quickly fading into oblivion.  Thankfully the ideas are ingrained in us all – we just need a few reminders.  While survivors are relearning social skills is a perfect time to brush up on this as well.  Survivors do however, face several additional challenges in this area as well. 

 

In my experience, one of the biggest stumbling blocks for moving past the initial meeting and developing friendships is that of concrete thinking.  It limits the brain’s ability to think “outside the box” Where to meet people, new things to do, places to go, the list is endless.  I hope that previous entries have helped give a few ideas for places to meet people such as therapy or support groups. 

 

Volunteering is another wonderful place to meet people with similar interests and outlooks, and the same can be said for any number of organized groups.  Really you can meet people anywhere:  at concerts or other events, I have even made fast friends on a train.

Still, it is best to start slow with groups you frequent, and branch out once you’ve found your networking “feet,” so to speak.  The “where” is the easy part.  The “how,” on the other hand, now that may take a little more guidance.  How to start conversations, what to say when you do….

 

Approaching group members or people in therapy after class is a good time to do it.  If something someone else said made an impression, compliment him or her on his or her insight or let him or her know what you thought about it.  Another good way is to make a comment about class, "Wow, I had so much trouble understanding X, what did you think of it?"  

Compliments are another great way to start a conversation. There’s no reason to approach people you don’t find interesting in some way.  Don’t give empty compliments, but mention what it was that piqued your interest and if you can follow it up with a question.  It can be as simple as, “those are great shoes, where did you get them?"  People respond to flattery, especially when it is sincere.  However you start it is always a good idea to ask their opinion, or some sort of question.  Questions really get the conversation going.

 

While you are getting started, especially with your first few tries it may be good to take things slow.  Plant the seeds  - keep first contact quick and light.  Talk to a few people after class, maybe exchange emails and suggest maybe getting a group together to grab coffee or lunch next time.  You’re just putting feelers out, first contact.  No rush, no worries….