Making a List and Checking it Twice

The call came at 4:43 A.M..  The ringer was off, but even on vibrate, the buzz woke me.  I’ve been having uncharacteristically fitful nights since the temperature plummeted and the landlord turned the steam heat on high.  Even with the window thrown wide it’s like sleeping in a sauna most nights.

Who on earth could be calling me at this hour? I thought, darkly.  In a flash, my annoyance changed to fear,  What if it was an emergency?  I snatched the phone from my bedside and checked: my downstairs neighbor.  Lord, what did he want?  I rolled over and let it go to voicemail. 

A moment later it hit me – what if he were locked out?  My brain still on autopilot, I quickly called him back.  He wasn’t locked out, his roommate’s ceiling was dripping.  He described the location – the same corner as my radiator.  Steam heat, was the culprit, and I tried to tell him this as nicely as I possibly could, after having been woken up at 4:30 in the morning. 

Thoroughly annoyed, I pulled my eye pillow over my face, and tried to drift back to s

leep.  After ten minutes, dreamland slipping further and further from my grasp, I threw the covers off, and lurched to my feet, put my hair up, and headed into the kitchen. 

If I had to be awake at O’-dark-thirty, I might as well make use of my time and bake.  A long-lost friend from kickboxing was coming to town the next, er, that day.  I hadn’t seen him in a decade and I’d promised cookies.  If I got it out of the way now, then maybe I’d be able to get nap in before heading out for the day.

With all of the cognitive functioning and dexterity of a zombie, I baked a batch of Apricot Jammies, set them on the counter to cool, and lumbered back to bed.

Well, at least that’s one thing off the list, I thought, putting a checkmark beside “Cookies for T” before crossing it out.  Satisfied, I pulled the covers over my head and slipped quickly into the dreamless slumber of a power nap.

I live my life by lists.  Every morning I have a list of things to get done, who to email, whom to contact, where I’m supposed to be, what I need to bring.  Sometimes I break the list up into things to do, things I need to buy, and places I need to go.  When I need to get things done there’s always a list.  If I don’t get something done one day, no problem, I just cross it off (with no check) and move it to tomorrow's.

Some people like writing things down on their blackberry, iphone, or computer.  As dependent on my computer as I am, when it comes to lists I’m an old fashioned girl.  There

’s something satisfying about physically crossing off an item.  Thus, I always carrying a notebook and a pen. I’m lost without them.  If I think of new things to do - I add them, if I think of story ideas -I write them down, and having a blank sheet of paper is always handy.

By no means do I live every day in a prescribed, regimented fashion, I thrive on spontaneity, adventure, and living by the seat of my pants - the lists are just reminders.  I don't always bother with them either - when I go on holiday, the lists are left behind.  When someone else is planning the schedule, then I have no need for them, but as a general rule they're helpful, and can even be freeing.  I don’t have to rely on my memory so it releases me from the stress and worry that I may have forgotten something.  I still don’t think I’ve completely transformed into a list person, but they certainly are a great asset in keeping me on point and productive.  

Apricot Jammies

Ingredients:

1 c Butter

1/2 c Brown sugar

2 c Flour

1/2 t Salt

1 t Vanilla

1 t Orange blossom water

Sesame seeds

Apricot jam

Directions:

• Preheat oven to 375 F
• Pour sesame seeds into bowl
• Mix butter, sugar, vanilla, and orange blossom water
• Stir in flour and salt
• Form into balls
• Roll balls in sesame seeds and place on ungreased baking sheet
• Gently press thumb into each ball leaving depression
• Spoon jam into depressions
• Bake 10-12 minutes

Baking as therapy

Winter has finally sunk its claws into New York, and I don't think there's any hope of a break for months.  A quick summary of recent weather patterns goes a little like this: snow -> freezing rain -> snow -> rain -> some unholy mix of rain and ice (forming bottomless puddles masquerading as deceptively firm patches) -> Cold, cold, and more cold -> fields of ice glazing the sidewalks.  These are conditions that would send even the heartiest grizzly bear running for hibernation.  In other words, this was perfect baking weather. 

Now what on earth could have made me draw that conclusion, and moreover how in the world could baking relate to TBI?  Now, as any one who has experience with TBI can tell you, just as every person is unique so is every head injury.  No two people are affected the same way and no two recoveries are identical.  Much of the time well-meaning care givers will put survivors in standard therapy programs (occupational therapy, physical therapy, speech therapy ... etc).  These therapies do help, don't get me wrong, but unfortunately they aren't always as effective for TBI survivors, and can only take them so far.

For me, the chief obstacle to going further in my cognitive therapy was my anosognosia - I thought I was fine and viewed going to therapy as a waste of time and money.  Thankfully, I was more than happy to participate in other activities (like horseback riding, music, cooking, and recreational therapy) that helped my recovery immeasurably.   While doing research for my book, I was surprised at how many activities can be used to help further recoveries - even playing video games can help!   You just kind of have to find the right thing for you - it doesn't have to be color-in-the-lines standard therapy, either.  Do what you love!  Have fun with it! 

Even before the brain injury I loved baking and cooking, but I think are particularly great methods of therapy, because they provide a sense of accomplishment.   That said, I hated occupational therapist's "home ec" boot camps. Though I definitely needed supervision, (I shudder to say that have forgotten to turn the oven off as recently as this year) I was determined not to take anything away from occupational therapy, and stubbornly relearned how to cook later with supervision from indulgent friends and family members.

Though I'm not really using baking as TBI therapy in the strictest sense anymore, the creativity, combined with the routine makes it a wonderful form of stress relief, not to mention the added benefits of warming up the apartment and making it smell delicious.   Last night's chilly weather spurred me to the kitchen, and after another round of "fun with chocolate" - dipping all varieties of fruit and nuts, I tried my hand at shortbread.  What came out was quite possibly the best shortbread I have ever tasted - five stars for this recipe.  

Children, do try this at home (with help from your parents):

Shortbread

Ingredients:

• 1/2 c. sugar
• 1 c. cornstarch
• 2 c. flour
• 1 pinch salt
• 2 sticks (1/2 lb) butter or margarine

You will need:

• Food Processor
• ungreased 8X8" glass pan

Preparation!

1. Preheat oven to 325 
2. Cut butter or margarine into chunks 
3. Put all ingredients in food processor.
4. Blend until butter is cut through, but not a paste ( a minute give or take 30 seconds)
5. Turn crumbly mixture out of food processor into pan and press down
6. Bake for 40 min at 325
7. Reduce temp to 300 and bake an additional 20 minutes
8. Take out of oven and allow to cool for 5 minutes
9. Cut into squares and allow to set an additional hour or two