Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow

I hung up the phone with the storage company.  $106 dollars a month for 6 months or more, the advertised “free move” was only good if you rented the space for more than 6 months.  Less time than that, their movers charged $350 an hour.  

$350 an hour!?  Seriously?  Putting stuff in a storage facility was supposed to be cheap. Their quote caught me completely off guard.  I had been counting on that free move.  It was supposed to be this easy no-hassle thing – they would move my stuff for free and move it for free no questions asked.  Moments before I had been fine – excited about the trip, and getting everything done.  One phone call and it felt as if my world was collapsing.

I stared despairingly out over the sea of half-packed boxes, overwhelmed by the weight of it all.  3 days ’til my flight left for Peru and I still had to get a P.O. box, forward all my mail there, cancel my phone, tell my credit card I was moving, the list went on and on.  I could have handled it, I could have gotten everything done, but now….  Now the move was difficult – and expensive.  I had to find movers on top of it all – the straw that broke the camel’s back.

I collected myself enough to text some friends and phone a few others to ask if they knew cheap movers, or if they could help with the move, but with this last-minute plea I already knew the answer.  Everyone was busy, out of town, or just didn’t get back to me.  A cold wave of isolation overpowered me.  I was utterly, completely and totally on my own – nobody was there for me, I had to do everything all by myself.  It didn’t help anything that both of my roommates were moving in with their boyfriends.  Boyfriends who had been helping them pack and move the entire time.  It hadn’t mattered until now 

My melancholy was interrupted by a sharp knock on my door.  “All packed and ready for your trip?”  my roommate, A, called brightly, poking her head in the door.

“Almost, I’m trying to find movers now.  What company are you using?”  I told her about the morning’s surprise, the procrastination, and the rest.

“$350 an hour?  That’s extortion!  Doesn’t your boyfriend have a car?  Where is he?  Why isn’t he helping you move? 

“Well, he’s been pretty busy with work and out of town a lot.  He really can’t come today because he’s having a party tonight.  He does have a car but even if he had the time it’s a convertible –not really the kind of car you can move things in…” I trailed off; the excuses that sounded fine coming from him rang false when I said them.

A raised a skeptical eyebrow.  “But he’s not even around for moral support?  That’s kind of fishy.”

“No, nothing like that.  Things are great when we’re together.  He just hasn’t been in many relationships.  He’s really a great guy.  It just kind of sucks... I put everything off ’til the last minute and now everybody’s busy. I don’t know if I can get everything done on my own....

I felt like I had a boyfriend so he should be there to help me, I know he hasn’t been in many relationships but it just sucks not feeling like I have any support.  Then when I start thinking like this I feel guilty because I know it’s not his fault.  If I weren’t in a relationship then I could totally do all of this by myself, but since I am it’s almost harder when I don’t have the support.  What is wrong with me?”  With that the tears started streaming down my cheeks.

“Oh D," she said sympathetically,  "I’ll be your boyfriend tomorrow – I’ll help you move.  You definitely aren’t asking too much.  If my boyfriend had been like this I would have broken up with him a long time ago.  He should be here and be helping you.  He should have been here for you this whole time.  Everything will be okay; you are going to South America in a few days.  We can talk to the movers I’m using and I can help you move tomorrow.”  She reassured and built me up until hiccups replaced the tears.  Giving me exactly what I needed – her unwavering support. 

Support is vital for everyone, but you should always rely on others to help you.  Boyfriends, friends, and family have full schedules and lives of their own.  It is important to be self-reliant and have a strong foundation.  That way you will be able to stay steady no matter what. 

Organization, attention to detail, and grasping the consequences of actions (or inactions) can be terribly difficult for me and for many brain injury survivors.  Somehow I was completely oblivious to some glaringly obvious tasks I needed to get done. Until the last week before I left I had put a few things off, but I was sure that I had taken care of almost everything. When I finally realized how much was left to do I scrambled to get everything done.  When one thing did not turn out how I had imagined and counted on it to be, I was overwhelmed and swept away by a tide of emotional liability.  Thankfully A was there to support, distract, motivate, and help me come up with a plan of action. 

Balance is the hardest thing in the world, but it is imperative for survivors.  Planning, organizing, and taking care of everything in advance is the best solution, however sadly even when I do plan it seems that a ridiculous number of details tend to slip by.  Asking a friend to bounce ideas off of and help with your planning is a huge help.  This isn’t always possible though, and if you do get overwhelmed the best thing to do is to move forward in a calm rational manner.   That way you can take care of things in a proactive, organized way and not get sidelined by stress.