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“I wonder why you sometimes don't do what you know would help-you've given us several examples: not crying on J's shoulder, not getting enough sleep, not eating enough.”
Often outsiders wonder precisely this about brain injury survivors' actions as this insightful blog reader. So many problems could just be avoided if survivors would simply listen to what doctors’ advice. In my case it’s even stranger – I know the right thing to do – why don’t I just take my own advice?
To ease your mind dear reader, though I do struggle with TBI, and the deficits remain, at this point they are shadows of their former intensity. For the purposes of this blog however, I am focusing on this aspect of my life to better illustrate these entries in order to help educate, inspire, and offer guidance. However, because of this I give examples of what I am doing wrong, and point out how to do it right in hopes others can learn from my mistakes. Even though it may sound like my life is a constant battle, I simply don’t write about the good days because they aren’t informative, interesting, and don’t have much to do with brain injury. In other words, though I had a delightful Valentine’s day with J, writing about the beautiful roses he gave me, our phenomenal dinner, or any other part of the perfect evening, simply did not seem pertinent. However had this been the sole reason I would not have found it necessary to devote an entire blog entry in response to this comment.…
The other, more complex reason, is a hallmark characteristic of brain injury - poor judgment. Distracted by excitement, caught up in the moment, or locked in a single-minded “need” to get things done, one can push through, oblivious to the warning signs. To make things worse, the more fatigued, agitated, or focused a survivor becomes, the harder it is to step back and listen to what your body is telling you until it is too late….
My stubborn nature and drive to always push myself further, beat the odds, and prove my self-sufficiency has served me well in many ways. I believe it has given me the strength to come as far as I have, and has made me who I am today. However, there is a time to push forward, and there is a time to listen to what your body is telling you.
Unfortunately I have not yet mastered the art of recognizing when to say when. I can and do overextend myself, refuse support (not wanting to be a burden), stay out too late, and generally ignore what my body is telling me. Curiously, the more I take on, the more energized and invincible I feel. When I get to this euphoric state and push past the brief “nap threshold,” as I refer to the point when exhaustion washes in, whether it is an emotional meltdown, a TBI episode, or me just getting sick, the outcome is never good.
After the fact I realize exactly what I should have done, and generally kick myself for it. “Hindsight is 20/20” could practically be my slogan. However, in the heat of the moment on the other hand, stopping isn’t even an option, and unfortunately, a common problem.
Fortunately it is not an insurmountable one. Brain injury is a desperately lonely thing. This is, however, a time where you need your friends, family, and support the most. It is extremely important to be open with your family and friends about challenges you face. An outsider’s perspective and a little common sense go a long way in diffusing the situation before it goes too far.
It isn’t difficult, all it takes are a few gentle prompting words to guide the survivor towards thinking about the consequences of their actions. This may take the form of suggesting a nap, recommending you cut down your course load (or not taking on so much) in order to do better at a few things (and giving some examples of what could potentially happen), reminding the survivor they have to get an early start. This is merely another way suggestibility can be used to guide survivors towards wiser decisions. So many crises truly are avoidable if the situations are correctly handled. Calmer days are just around the corner….
