By the Seat of My Pants

My ceiling collapsed....  

I’m going to South America.

Oh it’s not quite as dramatic as all that.  It was my roommate’s ceiling, and not quite the whole thing at that, but that was the last straw.  

In many ways it’s a great apartment.  It’s in a beautiful pre-war building; marble fireplace in the entrance hall, spacious rooms, 10-foot ceilings…. It would have been the ideal apartment if it had been well-maintained. 

 Unfortunately it was quite literally falling down around our ears.  The shower clogs, the ceiling collapses, the radiator leaks and our landlord doesn’t seem to care.  After endless requests he eventually fixes things – but it’s never more than a perfunctory patch job and a few months later the problems come back, and worse than before.  

I didn’t want to leave the apartment but after the other roommate (whose ceiling did not ostentatiously collapse) telling us that this was the third time there had been ceiling problems in 4 years, I realized it wasn’t even safe to stay.   With the uncertainty, my stress level skyrocketed.  I needed to find a new place! ASAP! 

A few hours of frantically combing Craigslist I started to think.  So I didn’t have an apartment, maybe this wasn’t such a bad thing.    I hadn’t been out of the country in a while – I’m writing – I can write from anywhere.  Besides, I was getting the urge to travel; I had almost booked a trip to Peru a month earlier.  This could work out perfectly – flights were cheap, I wouldn’t have to pay rent and I wouldn’t even have to find anyone to sublet the apartment…  I could put my stuff in storage and just go! 

I booked my flight – 6 weeks in South America – everything was set.  I was getting out – away conflict from landlords yelling at me, roommates fighting, apartments held together with duct tape and twine, waking up in saunas at 3 a.m., dumping leaky radiator’s water out the window throughout the night. I was free!  Adventure, exploration, discovery … the promise of adventure sent a chill running through me.

 

Think, want, do; that is how it happened.  I didn’t think the trip through.  I didn’t think where I would stay when I got back or where I would stay while I was there.  I didn’t think of the fact that my limited vocabulary in Spanish from American Sesame street episodes as a child (uno, dos, tres…) might be a problem.  It didn’t cross my mind that my decision might have repercussions – or affect anyone else.  I didn’t think.

My ceiling collapsed.  I’ll buy a ticket to South America.  I doubt many people would think like that, fewer people would actually do it.   I am not most people – I have a brain injury.

Impulsivity, and poor planning and decision-making skills are huge problems for brain injury survivors.  I can honestly say that have made more than my fair share of poor, un-thought-out decisions.  Thankfully by the grace of God, and by the grace of my ability to scramble and hold my life together with twine and duct tape, I have made it through, and had some great adventures.  I have also had some miserable, high-stress moments where I barely scraped through.  When things do go wrong they can go catastrophically wrong.  I would not recommend living like this. 

This is not to imply that I am not still phenomenally excited about my trip.  I am thrilled to be getting out of the country and for this opportunity to learn, experience new cultures, and share every moment with you, my dear reader.   I will be extremely careful and be writing from my travels so you needn’t fret. 

Though spontaneity can be a rush, and snap decisions or judgments can seem thrilling or even necessary, my strong recommendation is that to talk all major decisions over with your family and friends before acting.  You don’t have to be a stick in the mud or anything.  Fly by the seat of your pants – just make sure to bounce your ideas off a few people and see what they say.  If you don’t, you could hurt yourself, others, irreparably damage relationships or worse….