Further recovery is always possible for brain injury survivors. With perseverance, determination, and above all hope miracles are possible.
I didn’t always think like that. When doctors first told me “recovery is a life long process,” I wanted to cry. It seemed as if they were saying that I would have to fight tooth and nail struggle every day working reclaim what I had lost – to put together the pieces of the ‘me’ that was. With depleted energy, while regulating the apparently insurmountable cognitive and social deficits and living my life.
Even with their warning, I clung tenaciously to the idea that one day I’d get over it and be ‘normal’ again. Much to my dismay, each time I felt good about my life and started pushing myself as I had before the accident, I’d end up fatigued or worse, reach the point of a meltdown. When this happened, it felt to me as if I had taken ten steps back. I just wanted to be better. I just wanted it all to be over. I just wanted to be cured.
Over time, I came to realize how unrealistic both the fear of having to juggle everything at once and my expectations truly were.
The doctors were right; recovery is a lifelong process. Complete recovery is impossible. One can never regain all that has been lost. There is no cure. Improvement, however, is within reach. One may even gain skills and reach heights unattainable without having first gone through this trial. Moshe Feldenkrais said it best in his book Body Awareness as Healing Therapy: The Case of Nora:
“‘Improvement’ is a gradual bettering which has no limit. ‘Cure’ is a return to the previously enjoyed state of activity which need not have been excellent or even good.”
As they say, God never closes a door without opening a window. Every challenge comes with gifts, though they may be extremely hard to see it is important to try. I would be lying if I said I did not mourn all that I have lost, or am to any degree grateful for the Accident. However, I do believe that having to struggle with my deficits has done a great deal towards making me a more compassionate, patient, perseverant, and goal-oriented individual.
I realize that I am extremely fortunate in having come this far, but I believe it is a universal truth that no matter where you are, there is always room for growth. That is what we are truly working towards – not recovery, improvement. To work towards recovering a past one has no hope of fully recovering seems a dismal prospect. Working towards improvement, on the other hand, offers hope and opens a world of possibilities.
Set small goals. Take everything one day at a time, put one foot in front of the other – it all will come together. At times the progress can be imperceptibly gradual, but we are always building new pathways. Getting impatient and try and tackle everything at once (like I did) will make recovery seem like an insurmountable challenge. Have patience, and every so often take a glance back, seeing how far you have come will amaze you….
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What strength & wisdom you exhibit! Thank you for sharing it.
ReplyDeleteTake a glance back, no doubt. In the beginning, I was constantly taken aback at the changes every day, such as being able to talk or feed myself or walk or take a shower unassisted or drive. Every day it was something new. Then, the improvements became more gradual so that, every day I could wake and say, eh same ol' me. However, now, after 3+ years, every day the changes aren't as noticeable, but if I look back over months or a year or more, I am wow'ed at how far I have come.
ReplyDeleteIt's really cool, just my two cents of course, as I read yer blog, I see how the insights you share about the TBI experience apply equally well to humans in general and, more specifically, the spiritual aspect of being a human. This one here is a good example, the changes aren't as visible in the short-term.
John
know the feeling dorothy, immediately after my tbi i went at it guns a blazing trying to learn how to walk and speak again, my therapists always told me slow down, its a gradual process i was going through.
ReplyDeleteit was a crushing blow to me when i eventually realized, barring miracle i will never walk or speak again. it was immensely hard to accept that for a man who was a college athlete before my tbi my sr. yr. of college. but i have found acceptance is the key to moving on with your life.
Dorothy,
ReplyDeleteI agree with John abouthow the insights you share about the TBI experience apply equally well to humans in general and, more specifically, the spiritual aspect of being a human.
Your insight is God-given. You have a gift here. You are very blessed and you have the right goal in trying to reach as many people as possible.
Have you ever thought of starting your own networking site? You would be great at it. You can do it for free. I started one for bowel disorders and I could set you up and help you if you need it or you could do it on your own if you feel comfortable in that capacity. You could reach tons more people that way and you would have an open forum for blogging, starting groups on different topics that you are so passionate about. I am really into backgrounds & graphics and I could make your layout. You could have a page on myspace advertising it as well.
God intends for you to reach many!