Art and Arias

"Men, zey are so..." The fiery little Frenchwoman lifted her chin, brushing the tip of her nose to indicate snobbery.  "Zey seenk zey are zee world.  Are you married?"

"No, I'm not."  I reply, laughingly holding up my hands to show my unadorned ring fingers, for the twentieth time.  

Eyes shining, the woman reaches her spider-thin hand over the wheelchair arm to take my hand. "You have such beauteeful hands!  Tres jolie -les dents ... les yeux ... cheveux  -- you should be a model!  Are you married?"    

 "Oh, tu est trop gentil.  I think you are the only model here...."

Fairly bursting with energy, time hasn't touched D's unquenchable spirit.   A can-can dancer and model, D's friends told her she was crazy when she moved to New York, she tells me shows me her modeling photos.

"When was this one taken?" I ask, pointing to a pin-up of her modeling a swimsuit.

"Oh three or four years ago," she replies before thinking a moment.  "Maybe less," she says with a smile.  She hasn't lost her sense of humor, but her memory has long sense faded. She has no idea when these pictures were taken, she can't even recall what room is hers.

My first time volunteering with New York Cares  Art and Arias seniors program was a bittersweet evening.  It was wonderful keeping the residents company and getting to spend time with such amazing people - one man had played with Duke Ellington at the Cotton Club, and been best man at Louis Armstrong's wedding, another had been a famous singer, and of course there was my saucy model friend.   It made me feel good to help them draw, choose colors, and create art while listening to music - artistic expression and music truly soothe the soul.  On the other hand, it was heartbreaking to see that so many of them had lost their memory and were left with only dim recollections.   Almost sadder than the tattered long term memories, many residents' short term memory was gone as well.  One woman's daughter visited often, as soon as the daughter left, all memory of the visit vanished.  My heart went out to these people; I had been in their shoes, and given that TBI heightens risk of Alzheimer's, probably would again.   

Memory deficits are frustrating, unsettling, and one of the harder things to pinpoint and talk about.  Primarily because quite often I don't recognize that I have forgotten something, or  don't remember the incident.  Often the glitches are so slight they wouldn't be memorable to anyone, or so I tell myself.  When I do mention something frequently people will discount the memory deficit, telling me, that they have a bad memory too.  The difference is hard to explain.  With the large blanks, it feels like stepped off a precipice,  the seemingly solid memory vanishing under your feet when you least expect it.  These incidents chip away at your confidence, your faith, and your self assurance.  

Thankfully my memory retention has greatly improved.  I have tried to train my memory, repeating facts, focusing on events, and giving situations 100% of my attention.  I have learned to write lists, take notes, and have a "remember ring" system - if there is something I need to remember to do, not only will I write it down, but I will place the ring which I invariably wear on my middle finger to my thumb as a reminder.  

However, even with my tricks, training, and lists, I'm awful with names, not much better with faces. Little, and sometimes gaping holes appear more often than I would care to admit.  The other day a doctor emailed me to arrange a time for us to talk on the phone.  I wrote him back with several times I was available.  Hours later, I realized that the man did not have my phone number; that detail had completely escaped me.  This is an extremely minor incident, but in another situation, had I forgotten to turn the oven or stove off for example (slip-ups which I am sorry to say I have made as recently as last year), the results could have been disastrous.

Thankfully I have gotten, and am continuing to improve in these areas.  I am a firm advocate of keeping your mind stimulated, always learning, trying new things and challenging yourself.  No matter what level you are at there is something for you, and regardless of how advanced you are there is always room for improvement.   Maybe if I learn grow, and keep my ming young, then it will stay sharp, limber, and continue improving....  

http://www.nycares.org/