Many Hats

“Without focus you can’t accomplish anything,” or so says my favorite author, Haruki Murakami.  Reading his memoir, What I Talk About When I Talk About Running, I have learned a lot more about him, and a little more about writing.  In he asserts that focus is, after talent, the most important quality for a writer.  I wholeheartedly agree. 

Unfortunately, TBI destroyed my ability to stay focused and concentrate, not surprising as this is one of the most common symptoms of TBI.  There has been marked improvement over the years, but distractibility and a maddening inability to think in a straight line shadows my every move.  If I am even slightly tired, stressed, or have anything on my mind, my attention span rivals that of a guppy, and I can bid my productivity farewell.  To counter this my doctor prescribes Adderall for me which counters a vast majority of the problems.  However, even with the drug, my mind still wanders on its way to the writing “zone.”

I adore writing; the solitude, creativity, productivity.  There is nothing quite like breathing life into a story.  Though getting there can take me a while, but once I arrive and click into that focused mindset I can breathe a sigh of relief.  It feels so right, as if I’m where I’m supposed to be.  There I see the world differently, the surroundings barely register, and I finally I work without distraction.

 Writing is unquestionably one of my passions.  I wouldn’t think twice about spending months holed-up working on a book.  However, I wear many hats, both literally and figuratively, I need diversity in my life.  Because of this, though a large part of me finds the isolation, peace, and quiet to be rejuvenating, I do reach a breaking point. When this happens, I exchange my somber writer’s beret for a festive party hat and plunge into the social sphere to concentrate my energies on networking.

 “You can really work a room,” my friend, A always compliments me.  She’s right, throw me in a networking-friendly situation, whether or not I know anyone at the start, I will move around the room and meet people.  By the end of the gathering, nine times out of ten, I’ll have a fistful of business cards and phone numbers.

For many, these interests would compliment one another swimmingly.  Many people are quite proficient at moving from one vastly different subject to another.  I’ve seen one friend switch from Norwegian to English without missing a beat, another who moves seamlessly from physics problem sets to working on films without batting an eye; the examples are endless.  However none of these people, I think, have brain injuries. 

With the characteristic distractibility and short attention span it should follow that switching focus would be a cake walk.  Alas, it is quite the reverse.  As with many TBI survivors, though finding focus is a struggle, once I have locked into one task then it’s a concerted effort to switch gears.

Sadly, rather than complimenting my writing, I find that moving between the vastly different networking and writing to be draining.  I end up wasting more time than I should refocusing, need enormous amounts of sleep, and fatigue is never far away.  I have tried to alternate days - one day for networking, and one for writing, but this has not worked as well as I would have liked.  As so often happens, I think what I need to do is just bite the bullet, put in the (enormous amounts of) extra effort, and push through.  Try, try, and try again until I find out what works, until I have  pounded down the new pathways in my brain and sanded the edges smooth.  The tried and true trial and error is my fall back plan.  I will find a way to balance the two, and just maybe this will help make segues and changing hats easier on me….